her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
