Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
