Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
