Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
