i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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