can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
