I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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