i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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