my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
