I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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