she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize