True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
