It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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