Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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