if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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