If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
