my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
