i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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