Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
