I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
