How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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