i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
