You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
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I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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