Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
