It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
