If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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