Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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