some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
