Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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