wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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