sarcasm needs its own font
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
