she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
