i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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