Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
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Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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