i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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