At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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