so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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