She's JV to your varsity
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ugly people sure do ruin things
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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