I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
