I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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