I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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