Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
