It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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