Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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