a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.