It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?