I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.