Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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