Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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