I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
jump out the window naked night went bad
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