I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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