I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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