I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
