don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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