My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
