it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He passed out mid-signature
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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