I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
