I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
