I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I checked into jail on foursquare
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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