batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She announced her abortion via fbk
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
