your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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