My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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