I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
