i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't trust your balls anymore.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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