I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm just crazy horny about you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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