Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
